Love, Marriage and Sex Sermon Notes–“There is a Fountain…”

Posted: June 7, 2010 in Uncategorized

I was watching Dan Cummins last week on Comedy Central and he had this riff on arguments that turn into threats of impossible violence where someone says something like, “I just want to upper cut you so hard that it knocks your head into outer space and then falls at my feet where I punt it into the woods for a beer to eat and then poop out and then I’m going to shove that head back on your body and give you an open casket funeral!”

If you have been in a relationship for any extended period of time then you know what it’s like to have one of these fights.  Normally, it’s not the issue at hand that is behind the fight but something deeper–something unresolved.

These kind of things will not just cause fights, they will creep into the bedroom as well and no matter how skilled you are at “business time,” these problems can wreck your marriage if you don’t deal with them. 

Let’s look at the Song of Songs again for wisdom.  2:8-17,
 

8 The voice of my beloved!
Behold, he comes,
leaping over the mountains,
bounding over the hills.
9 My beloved is like a gazelle
or a young stag.
Behold, there he stands
behind our wall,
gazing through the windows,
looking through the lattice.
10 My beloved speaks and says to me:
“Arise, my love, my beautiful one,
and come away,
11 for behold, the winter is past;
the rain is over and gone.
12 The flowers appear on the earth,
the time of singing has come,
and the voice of the turtledove
is heard in our land.
13 The fig tree ripens its figs,
and the vines are in blossom;
they give forth fragrance.
Arise, my love, my beautiful one,
and come away.
14 O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,
in the crannies of the cliff,
let me see your face,
let me hear your voice,
for your voice is sweet,
and your face is lovely.
15 Catch the foxes for us,
the little foxes
that spoil the vineyards,
for our vineyards are in blossom.”

16 My beloved is mine, and I am his;
he grazes among the lilies.
17 Until the day breathes
and the shadows flee,
turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle
or a young stag on cleft mountains. 

What does it mean?

In 2:8-9, the bride says that she knows her husband is running to get to her because he can’t wait to be with her.  She compares him to a stag and gazelle, which was a Hebrew way of calling a dude a stud!
 
2:10-13, the word translated as “beloved” is a highly charged sexual term in Hebrew. He then invites her into the field for “business time.” 
 

2:14, the husband begs to see her and hear her voice…not a bad touch, guys!
 
2:15, the wife, however, retorts that first he needs fix the problem in their relationship before running off to “plow her fields.” 
 
2:16-17, the wife says she is anxious for the problem to be behind them and then invites him to “play on her mountains” (hey, I didn’t write it!)
 
In other words, the wife is anxious to be with her husband but wisely cautions to fix the problems in their relationship first. Men and women can bury problems for only so long.  The wife here is right, you have to address serious issues before they blow up.  
 
Sometimes it simply stress and money.  These are actually fairly easy to fix because it means you need to downsize your life and get an eternal perspective on things.
 
Sometimes it’s because of kids.  After all, sex makes little kids and kids make little sex.   So, schedule a babysitter for “sex night” instead of “date night.”  
 
Sometimes, however, the problems are deeper and darker. 
 
For men it is often pornography.  This is a problem that will not go away without taking drastic measures.  What to do?
 
Get an accountability partner and then go to xxxchurch.com and get their free accountability software.  Women, if you have caught your man wrestling with porn, please know that he is one among millions and was probably exposed to it at a very young age–forgive him and help him!
 

For women it can be insecurities that can be fixed through the spiritual disciplines but it can also be even deeper and darker than porn addiction.
 
An alarming number of women suffer from trauma stemming from sexual abuse.  If that is you, please hear me out:

First, you need to know that was not your fault.  You may have put yourself in a vulnerable position as a young lady but we all put ourselves in stupid situations, it is not our fault for the evil that is inflicted upon us by someone else.  It is not your fault!  Repeat that until you truly receive it. 
 
Second, God made you, God loves you and God died for you.  Do you understand what that means? It means that you are worth so much to Jesus that he would suffer abandonment, torture, death and even separation from the Father and Spirit for you.  You are worth more than you can possibly imagine. 
 
Third, the Christian doctrine of expiation teaches that we may be cleansed of the dark stain of sin (1 John 1:7-9).  What do most women do after being sexually assaulted? They shower. Why? They want to scrub the stain of sin from them but soap and water can’t do that only the blood of Christ can and will if you allow it to.

The doctrine of expiation teaches that God not only paid the penalty for your sins on the cross but he also grants you his perfect life, so that at the end of time you are not judged by your own life but by Christ’s.  Donald Miller puts it this way, “It’s as if Jesus draws this circle around himself and draws us so close to him that when God looks on us He only sees the Son.”  What does that mean for you? It means that when God looks at you, He sees nothing put perfection.
 
This means that God looks upon you as absolutely clean.  Who are we not to do so as well?
 
But what about infidelity? 
 
If there is repentance then there needs to be forgiveness (see Matthew 6:9-15) but if not then there needs to be tough love.  Don’t put up with repeated cheating but forgive when there has been a heartfelt turn from that sin. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting…Christians don’t get some type of “holy amnesia”!  Forgiveness means you lay down your right to hurt someone after they have hurt you. 

Mark Driscoll tells a story of a couple who came to Christ only for the wife to confess that she had an affair early in their marriage. The husband stormed out of the house angry but returned several hours later.  He walked with a box and took his wife to the bedroom.  He slowly removed the dark dress she was wearing and placed  beautiful, white gown on her.  He told her, “This is how God sees you, so this is how I will see you.”

We find forgiveness and cleansing at the cross.  To paraphrase Charles Spurgeon, “You can wash your soul in the waves of the ocean and never rid yourself of the stain of sin but you may drown it forever in the fountain of blood drawn from Jesus’ veins and it is gone…gone forever.”

Grace and peace.

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