“Women Are Different” Sermon Notes (Song of Songs 5:2-6:3)

Posted: August 2, 2010 in Uncategorized

A buddy of mine from seminary told me that when he began to show an interest in girls, his father told him that one day he would share with his son the secret to women.  When my friend began to date, his father again told him, “Son, one day I will tell you the secret to women.”  When he graduated high school and went off to college, his father repeated the promise again and when he graduated from college and asked his girlfriend to marry him, the father once again teased him with this elusive knowledge.  Finally, as wedding approached, the son asked his father for the secret.  The father paused…then slowly stated, “Son…women…are different.”

I have thought a lot about that statement over the past 10 years and have come to the conclusion that my friend’s father is a genius!

My family and I were privileged to attend Covenant Life Church a few weeks ago and heard Joshua Harris deliver a great sermon on marriage.  He reported that successful married couples and unsuccessful married couples actually disagree with each other at a similar rate but the former simply find better ways to deal with disagreement.  How?

Let’s see how it works out for Solomon and his bride.

Song of Songs 5:2-6:3


2 I slept, but my heart was awake.
A sound! My beloved is knocking.
“Open to me, my sister, my love,
my dove, my perfect one,
for my head is wet with dew,
my locks with the drops of the night.”
3 I had put off my garment;
how could I put it on?
I had bathed my feet;
how could I soil them?
4 My beloved put his hand to the latch,
and my heart was thrilled within me.
5 I arose to open to my beloved,
and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with liquid myrrh,
on the handles of the bolt.
6 I opened to my beloved,
but my beloved had turned and gone.
My soul failed me when he spoke.
I sought him, but found him not;
I called him, but he gave no answer.
7 The watchmen found me
as they went about in the city;
they beat me, they bruised me,
they took away my veil,
those watchmen of the walls.
8 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
if you find my beloved,
that you tell him
I am sick with love.


9 What is your beloved more than another beloved,
O most beautiful among women?
What is your beloved more than another beloved,
that you thus adjure us?


10 My beloved is radiant and ruddy,
distinguished among ten thousand.
11 His head is the finest gold;
his locks are wavy,
black as a raven.
12 His eyes are like doves
beside streams of water,
bathed in milk,
sitting beside a full pool. 
13 His cheeks are like beds of spices,
mounds of sweet-smelling herbs.
His lips are lilies,
dripping liquid myrrh.
14 His arms are rods of gold,
set with jewels.
His body is polished ivory, 
bedecked with sapphires. 
15 His legs are alabaster columns,
set on bases of gold.
His appearance is like Lebanon,
choice as the cedars.
16 His mouth is most sweet,
and he is altogether desirable.
This is my beloved and this is my friend,
O daughters of Jerusalem.


6:1 Where has your beloved gone,
O most beautiful among women?
Where has your beloved turned,
that we may seek him with you?


2 My beloved has gone down to his garden
to the beds of spices,
to graze in the gardens
and to gather lilies.
3 I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine;
he grazes among the lilies.

Okay, what’s going on?

 v.2, “I slept but my heart was awake” is a Hebrew way of saying she was dreaming.

 vv.2-3, in her dream, the husband begs to be with her but she blocks him! Probably because it is very late.  The “dew” on his head means it is almost morning.  In other words, Solomon has been out partying!

 vv. 4-6, yet, when she thinks he is tries to come in any way, it excites her…but then he is gone.

 Why would she be mad and excited at the same time? Because she’s a woman!  What I have learned from my wife, and godly Christian teachers like Sherri Rose Shepherd, is that sometimes “go away” actually means “come here!”  Women often think that if a man truly lovers her then he will hold her and tell her he loves her even if she is acting like she wants him to leave.  

 Women tend to think that if a man does walk away then he doesn’t really lover her!  Ladies, know that men do NOT naturally think this way!  We are very black and white.  If you say, “Go away!’ We don’t think, “What I really need to do is show her I love her by refusing to leave and telling her how much I love and appreciate her.”  We think, “Okay, she wants me to go away, I’d better do that before I make her even angrier!”  This is how men think and you need to understand that.

Men, you need to understand that women think another way and respond appropriately!

True communication always begins with understanding! We need to try to understand how our spouses think without labeling it right or wrong.  We need to stop beating up our spouse for not thinking like us. 

 Okay, let’s get back to the story.  vv. 6-8, Despite Solomon’s behavior, she risks looking like a prostitute in order to search for her husband and is even beaten by the local police but still calls out for him!

 5:9-16, she goes to her girlfriend’s and they want to know why she is doing this and she says, in essence, “he’s hot!”  

 In fact, in v. 14, probably refers to her husband’s junk! v.6:1, Once they hear her description of him, they don’t blame her!

 6:2-3, Solomon finds her and they apparently settle their differences for now they belong to each other.

 Men and women are different just as God and humankind are different but if we serve each other as God has served us in creation, cross and recreation then it can, and does, work!

This is not new age, Oprah-esque BS, it is how God works.  God is obviously different from us, yet He seeks to be understood by us through Scripture, through Jesus and the Spirit and His church in order to have a reconciled, eternal relationship.  We need to do the same.


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