Sermon Notes–“You Can Be Right or You Can Be Happy (Song of Songs 6-7)”

Posted: August 9, 2010 in Uncategorized

You Can Be Right or You Can Be Happy

Do you live under the delusion that if you win every argument with your spouse that he or she will eventually quit and recognize your brilliance and stop disagreeing with you? Then you’re on crack!

According to one study, the difference between a successful couple and an unsuccessful couple is not the degree to which they disagree but how they deal with disagreement.  If you just try to win every argument every time then you will be one of unsuccessful couples.  As my father taught me, “when it comes to relationships, you can be right all the time or you can be happy.” Wise words. 

 
Remember last week? Solomon and his bride had a huge fight.  They make up and then what happens?
 
Let’s look first at Song of Songs 6:4-6:10:
  
6:4, this is a very dudely compliment! Not unlike telling a girl today that she reminds you of Junior in the winning circle!
 
6:5a, he now gets it right and says that he forgets everything when he looks into her eyes.  Not bad!
 
6:5b-6:7, again, a very old song = very weird imagery but it scored big in Solomon’ day.
 
6:8-10, this is not “Big Love”!  Remember that Solomon was brought down by polygamy as was David and everyone else in Scripture. 
 
So, Solomon responds to her shutting him out the night before with nothing but praise. They have forgiven each other and this is vitally important to a healthy marriage.
 
Let me ask you this, do you pray for your spouse? Do you pray for God to help you to forgive?
 
 But what if they have done something truly terrible or hurtful? How do you forgive?
 
First, you need to get something straight, forgiveness is not: approval of what they did, excusing what they did, forgetting, etc.
 
So, what is it? It is refusing to punish him or her by seeing your spouse (and ourselves) as we truly are and keeping the cross at the center of everything.
 
There is no such thing as the mythical “one” who will be absolutely perfect for you and never hurt you, etc. Everyone, save Jesus, is a broken, selfish sinful person who will act like one even to the ones they love…and that includes you!
Yet, despite our own sinful natures, God forgives us.  We all deserve the ultimate punishment for each and every sin against God but God loves us so much, despite our faults, that he died in our place for our sins–that truth needs to live at the center of your relationship. 
 
Dr. Mark Dever once said, “it is absolute arrogance for any Christian to refuse to forgive another.”
   
What does forgiveness look like? Let’s look at 6:11-7:13:

11 I went down to the nut orchard
to look at the blossoms of the valley,
to see whether the vines had budded,
whether the pomegranates were in bloom.
12 Before I was aware, my desire set me
among the chariots of my kinsman, a prince. 

13  Return, return, O Shulammite,
return, return, that we may look upon you.

Why should you look upon the Shulammite,
as upon a dance before two armies?

7:1 How beautiful are your feet in sandals,
O noble daughter!
Your rounded thighs are like jewels,
the work of a master hand.
2 Your navel is a rounded bowl
that never lacks mixed wine.
Your belly is a heap of wheat,
encircled with lilies.
3 Your two breasts are like two fawns,
twins of a gazelle.
4 Your neck is like an ivory tower.
Your eyes are pools in Heshbon,
by the gate of Bath-rabbim.
Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon,
which looks toward Damascus.
5 Your head crowns you like Carmel,
and your flowing locks are like purple;
a king is held captive in the tresses.

6 How beautiful and pleasant you are,
O loved one, with all your delights! 
7 Your stature is like a palm tree,
and your breasts are like its clusters.
8 I say I will climb the palm tree
and lay hold of its fruit.
Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine,
and the scent of your breath like apples,
9 and your mouth like the best wine.

It goes down smoothly for my beloved,
gliding over lips and teeth. 

10 I am my beloved’s,
and his desire is for me.

11 Come, my beloved,
let us go out into the fields
and lodge in the villages; 
12 let us go out early to the vineyards
and see whether the vines have budded,
whether the grape blossoms have opened
and the pomegranates are in bloom.
There I will give you my love.
13 The mandrakes give forth fragrance,
and beside our doors are all choice fruits,
new as well as old,
which I have laid up for you, O my beloved.

  
In other words, they are back at it!  This is all sexual innuendo.
  
Marital love (including forgiveness) will always include sex because unless you are willing to give your body to your spouse in a loving way then you have not forgiven.  If you haven’t then it is time to take it all to the cross and forgive as you have been forgiven.
 

4 You are beautiful as Tirzah, my love,
lovely as Jerusalem,
awesome as an army with banners.
5 Turn away your eyes from me,
for they overwhelm me—
Your hair is like a flock of goats
leaping down the slopes of Gilead.
6 Your teeth are like a flock of ewes
that have come up from the washing;
all of them bear twins;
not one among them has lost its young.
7 Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate
behind your veil.
8 There are sixty queens and eighty concubines,
and virgins without number.
9 My dove, my perfect one, is the only one,
the only one of her mother,
pure to her who bore her.
The young women saw her and called her blessed;
the queens and concubines also, and they praised her.

10 “Who is this who looks down like the dawn,
beautiful as the moon, bright as the sun,
awesome as an army with banners?”

Okay, what’s going on?

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